"Marriage"

         This morning we tackle the fourth and final sermon topic in our “You Asked For It!” series. The subject is “marriage,” and it was submitted to me anonymously. Maybe it was submitted anonymously because even though the topic “marriage” might seem simple and innocuous, these days it isn’t, is it? I wonder if the anonymous topic proposer was thinking, “Hmm. I’m not getting sucked into this quagmire. Let the pastor do it!” Well, let’s jump into this theological and ethical swamp together.
         First, some folks might say, “Hey. Just read your Bible. The answers are elementary, my dear Watson. What we need is a return to ‘biblical marriage.’” Really? The Bible tells us some of our spiritual ancestors had multiple wives and they had concubines (Gen. 29:15-30 and Gen. 16:1-2). Any takers on that? Want a beautiful new wife? What’s stopping you? According to Deuteronomy 21, just go to war, and grab some captives. Pick out a good-looking gal from the bunch. Bring her home. Have her shave her head, clip her nails, get new clothes, mourn for a month, and then she’s yours. And if you end up not liking her, just let her go. So much for that trophy wife. Of course, the Bible says we should not intermarry with foreigners (Deut. 7). And let’s say your husband dies and you haven’t had any male children to carry on the family name. No worries, your husband’s brother is expected to marry you and help you produce male children. (Deut. 25:5) And as we read this morning, Saint Paul said, “Get married if you have to. But I think you’d be better off staying single as I am. After all, the end of time and Christ’s return is near. And getting married can be a distraction from serving God.” (1 Cor. 7) (Who suggested this marriage topic, anyway?)
         Now when it comes to the subject of marriage, don’t get me wrong. I’m not suggesting we dismiss the Bible. Not at all. I’m saying we must be very careful how we interpret the Bible on marriage, as well as how we interpret the Bible on many other issues. Remember, Presbyterians interpret scripture as educated Christians. We look at the biblical, historical, and theological context of a passage. As we interpret, we emphasize the centrality of Jesus Christ–what he taught and lived. We believe proper interpretations of scripture are shaped by the faith of the whole church, and those interpretations must build up love, must be inspired by the Holy Spirit, and always be subject to change and new understandings. We Presbyterians take the Bible seriously, so seriously that we don’t just pull out one verse here and there and use it to justify whatever we like.
         So with all that in mind, let’s look at Holy Scripture and marriage again. What else do we know? In biblical times, marriages were usually arranged by the parents when bride and groom were young. According to scholars, “The unmarried woman, living in her father’s house, was transferred into her husband’s jurisdiction by his payment of the ‘bride price’ . . . to her father . . .  There was usually a betrothal period after which the marriage was celebrated (Deut. 22:23).” (Lawrence H. Schiffman and Paul J. Achtemeier, “Marriage” in Harper’s Bible Dictionary, 608.) Over time, the practice of polygamy ceased, and God’s people returned to monogamous marriage described as God’s intention all along (Gen. 2:21-24 and Mark 10:6-9).
         And God’s intention is the central question as we think about the meaning and purpose of marriage, the challenge of divorce, and the possibility of marriage for gay and lesbian folks. What’s God’s intention for marriage anyway? The Book of Common Worship says, “God created us male and female, and gave us marriage so that husband and wife may help and comfort each other, living faithfully together in plenty and in want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, throughout all their days. God gave us marriage for the full expression of the love between a man and a woman . . . God gave us marriage for the well-being of human society, for the ordering of family life, and for the birth and nurture of children. God gave us marriage as a holy mystery in which a man and a woman are joined together, and become one, just as Christ is one with the church.” (The Book of Common Worship, 842.) So God intends marriage to be a relationship of mutual love and caring. As the playful, childlike imagery in the creation account in Genesis chapter 2 reminds us, the relationship between “the man” and “the woman” is meant to be a partnership. God’s intention in marriage is partnership not patriarchy and dominance, and certainly not abuse.
         So that leads us to think about divorce. What’s God’s intention about divorce? We know there  were two different schools of Old Testament rabbinical thought about divorce. The first school said you could divorce your wife only because of porneia, some sort of sexual sin, probably adultery or incest. The second school said you could divorce your wife for almost any reason, including being rude to your in-laws and burning dinner. Yikes! But even when they received a certificate of divorce from their husbands, divorced women were practically tossed out on the street. A patriarchal system that was especially destructive to the personhood of women. By the time of the New Testament writing, women also had the ability to divorce their husbands. But in the gospel accounts found in Matthew, Mark, and Luke, Jesus was clearly against divorce and remarriage. What are we to do with this? Bible scholar Tom Long writes, “We need, first, to acknowledge that the word ‘divorce’ in the Sermon on the Mount does not mean exactly what the word ‘divorce’ means today. In the first-century world, divorce was similar to what we would call ‘abandonment’ . . . (Thomas G. Long, Matthew in the Westminster Bible Companion Series, 60.)
         As far as we can see, Jesus’ commands about divorce were designed to protect people (especially women) from harm, not to force them to stay in loveless or abusive marriages. Though we Presbyterians try to take marriage seriously by requiring premarital counseling and preparation, and by providing marriage enrichment opportunities in the church, sometimes it’s better to divorce than to stay in a destructive marriage. We remind parents that when there are children stuck in the center of their parents’ divorce, it’s imperative that each parent be supportive of the other parent’s relationship with the children and not attempt to harm that relationship. And finally we believe it’s God’s will for divorced persons to be allowed to have another chance at a truly loving marriage.
         Well, what about marriage for gay and lesbian folks? Our denomination, the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.), continues to study the issue. Right now, the denomination maintains the definition that marriage is strictly “between a man and a woman.” At the same time, the church voted to have our denomination’s Board of Pensions for church employees “extend the same spousal and dependant benefits to same-gender domestic partners as it does to married plan members.” (2010 Assembly in Brief, PCUSA) As a church we’re studying, puzzling, and praying about this issue.
         Next month, renowned biblical scholar, David L. Bartlett, will visit us and deliver lectures on human sexuality and social justice. In advance of Dr. Bartlett’s lectures, here are my own very brief thoughts. I believe the biblical writers opposed homosexual relationships on at least four grounds that are no longer valid, 1.purity laws (homosexuality was seen as “unclean,” a category we no longer use and something explicitly negated in the gospels and in the Book of Acts), 2. as a sign of idolatry (in other words, treating something or someone other than God as God, and this is not what gay and lesbian Christians are doing), 3. rape or molestation (again, not the issue for us today), and 4.viewing the failure to procreate and to waste the male “seed” as somehow sinful (not something we believe anymore).
         As we talked about at the beginning of the sermon, we need to be careful to avoid misusing the Bible and taking texts out of their biblical, theological, and historical context. We know the biblical writers did not have the knowledge of sexual orientation we have today. With their limited scientific knowledge, the biblical writers had no idea a gay or lesbian relationship could be anything other than sinful, destructive. But we know gay and lesbian people who’ve been in loving, committed, monogamous relationships for decades. Some of these people are our children, grandchildren, aunts, uncles, cousins, and dear friends. They’ve been in relationships that are constructive not destructive. And we know Jesus often overruled the letter of the law in order to fulfill the spirit of the law. Shouldn’t the church today do the same? Instead of promiscuity, shouldn’t the church bless and encourage loving, committed, monogamous relationships for gay and straight folks? Isn’t that God’s intention? I look forward to hearing your thoughts on the issue as we continue to study, puzzle, and pray.
         One of my favorite authors was Madeleine L’Engle. Not only did she write the fabulous children’s book, A Wrinkle in Time but she wrote many books about her spiritual journey as a Christian, as the wife of an actor, as a mother, and as a grandmother. In one book she said, “A year ago on our anniversary I had occasion to take a taxi, and the driver and I got to talking, and we talked about marriage, and I said that it was pretty much of a record for a writer and an actor to have been married for twenty-nine years. He turned completely around, disregarding the traffic and the snowy streets, and said, ‘Lady, that’s not a record. That’s a miracle.’” (Madeleine L’Engle, The Irrational Season, 41.)
         As we talk about difficult issues, as we live married, single, divorced, gay, and straight, may God also grant us miracles. Through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.